A Letter to My Teacher: Please Help Us Return to School

By Karen Kaplan, MS

Dear Mrs. Smith,

My son, like many other students on the autism spectrum or with similar learning differences, wants you to know why he does not want to come to school anymore. Perhaps if you understand his thoughts and feelings, you can help him and others likewise.

He wants you to know that some students cannot tell you what he is about to, but they do show you, often in ways that are unexpected and unacceptable to you and others. Please know that they wish they had another way to tell you.

He asks that you listen to his words, pause, and then find solutions so he and others can return. He hopes that you will find a way to share with your colleagues.

Here are his words to you:

School is generally overwhelming for me, and many like me.  The fluorescent lights, walls filled with so many posters and advertisements as well as teaching tools, the loud recess whistles and buzzers, the overstimulating noises in the cafeteria, the fire drill sounds, transitions from classroom to classroom for us secondary students, and the echoing in rooms of metal furniture affect our focus and learning. Smells from foods and the loud chewing from those we are asked to sit with at lunchtime can create some anxiety. Passing in the crowded hallways with so many other students, who bump into us or do not allow us space to even unlock our lockers and get our books and supplies, can be challenging.

I do not want to complain, but I must speak up and be a voice for those who cannot.

Perhaps if teachers had more understanding, modifications could occur:

1. Allowing those like me to eat in our rooms, in the library, or in a quieter place in school.

2. Allowing us to leave a few minutes earlier than others to get to our next class, or to open our lockers, or to catch our bus could lessen our anxiety.

3. Perhaps allowing us to wear sunglasses or hats inside could dim bright lights.

4. Perhaps there is a way to prime us for a fire drill. Let us get ready for the unexpected sharpness of the buzzer or bell, which could help us avoid freezing and move quickly.

5. Perhaps teachers could be given soft coasters to put under chairs and desks so that when they move, they do not screech along the floors.

6. Perhaps teachers might understand that all those visual tips they post on walls may confuse us, distract us, and make us wonder what to pay attention to. They could only reduce the unnecessary ones.

I wonder if my teachers know that I and others may have poor executive functioning.  If they knew we had challenges organizing, problem-solving, and starting or stopping, they might find ways to structure their teaching styles for different types of brains. Sometimes we do not truly feel time passing and need visuals (Time Timers Time Timer® | Visual Timers for Time Management | Countdown Timer) or verbal reminders that there are only a few minutes left. If they could reduce the number of problems, especially redundant ones, given to us, I know I would finish what is asked and not get frustrated when time is up.  My mom has one at home, so I can see time passing, especially when I need to get ready for school, a vacation, or a special event.

Some students, like me, do not process verbal communication as quickly as others. I try to ask people to slow down and ask me one thing at a time. Perhaps teachers could realize that when they are giving directions, they might slow down, write the steps on the blackboard for us, and, most importantly, check our understanding.  I often have checklists at home to remind me of the things I need to get done (homework, chores).I can read just about anything and everything someone puts in front of me, but I, and others, do not always fully comprehend what we read or remember what we just read. I was told there is a way to help us both prepare for reading a great deal and retaining information. It is called priming. Three Ways to Prime Students for Learning | Faculty Focus. Perhaps give us the assignment ahead of time to read at home. Give us definitions of key words or ask us to look them up before we read the pages.

Most teachers seem to understand that our social skills need a great deal of support, especially when we are on the spectrum.  We may not always be sure how to make friends.  We may not always be sure how to work on a school project with others. We may not always be up to sharing our feelings or speaking in front of the classroom. We may not always be sure how our words affect others, and we may misinterpret non-verbal cues or misread the tone of the conversation.

Teachers, please teach us first.  Teach me to be part of a group. What is my role within the group? Teach me how to develop friendships.  Perhaps match me with someone who shares my interests. I may be more able to connect with someone with similar interests. Maybe I could help someone or do a chore with someone in the classroom. Perhaps a speech therapist is on staff and could help me learn how to have a conversation.

I have some challenges when writing by hand.  I am better at a computer if that is possible. But, if you have some pencil grips or have a slant board I might use, my writing could improve.  At a younger age, I used some specially lined paper. If there is an occupational therapist on staff (I have had one during my earlier years), they might work on fine motor development. I may just need more time allotted for written assignments.

Perhaps you are beginning to see why I and others may not want to come to school.  When I am anxious about sensory stimulation, social interactions, understanding what is expected of me, and transitioning from task to task and from class to class, I just feel it is best for me to stay at home and learn, where there is less chaos.

Mrs. Smith, my parents are learning how to support me at home, too.  Maybe other parents do not have the information. Maybe you could find out their situations and share some of what I am voicing. My parents have a calendar posted on my bulletin board in my room.  It shows me when school is in session and when I have days off.  It highlights special events so I can see them coming.  It cites the due date for my project. My parents try not to throw to-dos at me unexpectedly. They try to warn me when the company is coming over. They try to give me time to process their requests, and they always want to know if I understand their questions or directions.

They have sought out additional services to help me improve my social skills and learn to accommodate my sensory overload. They consult with an Occupational Therapist and a Social Skills trainer. Maybe other families need to know about such services in their community that might help their child. Maybe you could share information with them.

I am very lucky to have parents who want to know how to help me and who try their best to encourage me to keep going to school. They have encouraged me to write this letter to you, hoping that my voice will help me and others continue to access school.  I know it is important for me to go to school and be with people from all different kinds of backgrounds.  I know I need to work with my learning differences, but I need support and

understanding.

Mrs. Smith, I hope you understand my letter. I want to come to school, but I need some help.

Your English Student

Thank you, Mrs. Smith, for taking the time to read my son’s words.

Your student’s mom.

Karen Kaplan, MS, is a native San Franciscan. She completed her bachelor’s and master’s degrees at Arizona State University, Tempe, Arizona, in speech pathology and audiology. She minored in special education and obtained her speech therapist and special education credentials in California. Karen worked as a school-based speech therapist for 20 years before opening her own residential and educational program for students with autism. She worked in credential programs at Sacramento State University and UC Davis and spent 20 years directing private schools for students with autism and similar learning challenges. Karen founded a non-profit, Offerings, which helps cultures worldwide understand people with developmental challenges. For seven years, she founded and facilitated an autism lecture series and resource fair in Northern California. Karen still facilitates an annual Autism Awesomeness event. She is currently consulting and helping families, schools, and centers serving children, teens, and adults. Karen has authored three books: Reach Me Teach Me: A Public School Program for the Autistic Child; A Handbook for Teachers and Administrators, On the Yellow Brick Road: My Search for Home and Hope for the Child with Autism, and Typewriting to Heaven… and Back: Conversations with My Dad on Death, Afterlife and Living (which is not about autism but about having important conversations with those we love).

www.karenkaplanasd.com