Ways to Celebrate a Birthday Party When There Are Special Needs

By Karen Kaplan, MS

The day we were born is called our ‘birthday.’ From the very beginning, our parents emphasize this as one of the most special days of the year.

It appears that we accept very early on that a birthday is a day of balloons, cakes, gifts, games, friends, and family coming to celebrate with us.

So, of course, it becomes a special day forever. The question is: is it fun for everyone? Do all individuals enjoy and engage in these high-sensory activities on a birthday? Do all individuals understand why birthdays are important to people and how to deliver appropriate social engagement during them? Maybe not always.

Hence, we may need to help individuals with special needs understand this social event, enjoy it, and help others enjoy their birthdays.

Here are some ways you might start:

• Design a family birthday calendar (a visual reminder or prompt that a birthday is coming). Perhaps add friends to the calendar, as they become part of their social community. Then help them to understand why people like celebrating their birthday (they feel liked, loved, cared about, thought of, remembered, and celebrated).

• Encourage them to either purchase a birthday card or make one for each family member, friend, neighbor, grandparent, etc., and explain how others enjoy receiving a card honoring them.

• Then engage them in planning and executing a family birthday party, such as generating a birthday list. Have them choose decorations, party favors, blow-up balloons, and games, and set up the house or backyard. Have them go purchase any of these items with you.

• When they are planning a party for a family member, they can write down or discuss with that person their interests, likes, hobbies, etc., so a special birthday gift can be purchased or made. Perhaps they can make a list of themselves first so they can make sure they receive a perfect birthday gift from their family or friends.

• Next, talk to them about the wide variety of sensory effects that might be present at a birthday celebration: clapping, singing, loud chatting, quick unexpected movements, blowing out candles, and the new smells/combination of food and beverages.

• Discuss the sensory supports that might be available to them, such as earplugs, sunglasses, pre-exposure to the ‘Happy Birthday’ song, and to foods. Teach them to pardon themselves when things get too overwhelming. Perhaps they go outside for a few minutes or into their own quiet room.

• Then it might be a good idea to go over the schedule of the activities and actions that will take place at the birthday (arrival of guests, receiving presents, singing, blowing out candles, cutting the cake, eating, unwrapping presents and where to put the wrapping paper/bags/boxes that contain them, saying thank you for the gift (even if the gift is not exactly what that might have desired), saying good-bye and thanks for coming).

Birthdays are just part of life. They are a major social event, taking place in most families and in most communities. Helping everyone understand why and how we celebrate, and how we might enjoy them, is important.

So, help people understand and engage in this naturally occurring social activity. Help them wish others ‘Happy Birthday.’

Karen Kaplan, MS, is a native San Franciscan. She completed her bachelor’s and master’s degrees at Arizona State University, Tempe, Arizona, in speech pathology and audiology. She minored in special education and obtained her speech therapist and special education credentials in California. Karen worked as a school-based speech therapist for 20 years before opening her own residential and educational program for students with autism. She worked in credential programs at Sacramento State University and UC Davis and spent 20 years directing private schools for students with autism and similar learning challenges. Karen founded a non-profit, Offerings, which helps cultures worldwide understand people with developmental challenges. For seven years, she founded and facilitated an autism lecture series and resource fair in Northern California. Karen still facilitates an annual Autism Awesomeness event. She is currently consulting and helping families, schools, and centers serving children, teens, and adults. Karen has authored three books: Reach Me Teach Me: A Public School Program for the Autistic Child; A Handbook for Teachers and Administrators, On the Yellow Brick Road: My Search for Home and Hope for the Child with Autism, and Typewriting to Heaven… and Back: Conversations with My Dad on Death, Afterlife and Living (which is not about autism but about having important conversations with those we love).

www.karenkaplanasd.com