The Value of Using ‘Goodbye’ to Help Autistic Children Transition

By Karen Kaplan, MS,

The Oxford dictionary defines goodbye as expressing good wishes when leaving a place after having a conversation with someone. It serves as a concluding remark, acknowledging an ending or providing closure to an event. Ultimately, it offers a means of positive closure.

Why do we encourage children to say goodbye? I believe it is to help them provide a sense of appreciation for relationship building (friends, family) and to show respect (teachers, mentors, guides). 

For those on the autism spectrum, it can also assist them in making a transition. It conveys that this has ended and it's time for the next thing to happen. A change is occurring. Additionally, it helps them develop positive social skills. We often show respect and appreciation through a positive goodbye.

It may help those on the spectrum create space for something new. We say goodbye to a teacher each year and get ready for a new one. We say goodbye to an elementary school experience to get ready for middle school, and then goodbye again as we enter high school.

We bid farewell to a job that may not have brought us happiness and prepare for a new, more fulfilling position. We can assist individuals in understanding that when we part ways with someone or something, we have the opportunity to reflect on the enjoyable moments we experienced and recognize the challenges we no longer wish to face.

We say goodbye, we can wave goodbye, and we can sign goodbye. We can shake someone’s hand when we leave or give a thumbs up when we transition to the next conversation or activity. Our children can be encouraged to send teachers a goodbye card at the school year's end. They might send a goodbye card to a neighbor moving away from the community. There are several ways to socially say goodbye without verbalizing it, which could be challenging for someone on the spectrum or those with other communication challenges.

Karen Kaplan, MS, is a native San Franciscan. She completed her bachelor’s and master’s degrees at Arizona State University, Tempe, Arizona, in speech pathology and audiology. She minored in special education and obtained her speech therapist and special education credentials in California. Karen worked as a speech therapist for schools for 20 years before opening her own residential and education program for students with autism. She worked in credential programs at Sacramento State University as well as UC Davis and spent 20 years directing private schools for those with autism and similar learning challenges. Karen founded a non-profit, Offerings, which helps cultures globally to understand those with developmental challenges. For seven years, she founded and facilitated an autism lecture series and resource fair in Northern California. Karen still facilitates an annual Autism Awesomeness event. She is currently consulting, helping families, schools, and centers for children, teens, and adults. Karen has authored three books: Reach Me Teach Me: A Public School Program for the Autistic Child; A Handbook for Teachers and Administrators, On the Yellow Brick Road: My Search for Home and Hope for the Child with Autism, and Typewriting to Heaven… and Back: Conversations with My Dad on Death, Afterlife and Living  (which is not about autism but about having important conversations with those we love). www.karenkaplanasd.com